角聲護家中心宗旨 角 聲 護 家 中 心 致力於保護和促進家庭合一 Herald Family Rebuilding Center 幫助單親家庭渡過危機 輔助 走出憂傷低谷 進入豐富多彩的人生 正經歷困境的夫妻修復婚姻家 新聞簡報 2015 春季季刊 庭關係 使重建後的家庭或個 人成為他人的祝福 M

角聲護家中心宗旨 角 聲 護 家 中 心 致力於保護和促進家庭合一 Herald Family Rebuilding Center 幫助單親家庭渡過危機 輔助 走出憂傷低谷 進入豐富多彩的人生 正經歷困境的夫妻修復婚姻家 新聞簡報 2015 春季季刊 庭關係 使重建後的家庭或個 人成為他人的祝福 Mission Statement of Herald Family Rebuilding Center (HFRC) Advocates for family values and engages in preventive efforts to protect and foster family unity. HFRC assists couples experiencing relational crises to restore their family relationships and empowers single-parents and their families to be rebuilt. To bless others through living an abundant life and to serve other people in need. 服務項目: 家庭心理講座 專業輔導 協談輔導 護家營 成長小組 親子課程 感恩異象分享會 資源轉介 Services: Family Relational Educational Workshops, Professional Counseling, Lay Counseling, Life Rebuilding Retreat, Growth Groups, Parenting Classes, Vision Sharing and Referral. 同工團隊 周紅 主任 楊蕙 李月月 薛人星 林鳴 江麗淞 徐淑玲 王美燕 李芳芳 于艇 胡若慈 曹方昕 李穎怡 胡伊麗 王鈞嫻 專業婚姻家庭治療師 培訓主任 Robert Brennan, M.A., MFT 實習專業婚姻家庭治療師: 黃錫林, M.A.; MFTi 顧問委員會 邱清萍牧師 呂紹昌院長 蘇景星牧師 何張沛然牧師 黎廣傳牧師 季養正牧師 蔣吳蘊蘭師母 M.A.; MFT 事工委員會 勞伯祥牧師 周簡豔珍女士 王慶元長老 黃偉康博士 盼望牽動我的家 近一周內 在我們身邊已有三位華裔青 年 15-21 歲 絕望到以自殺了結寶贵的生命 朋友 你可曾經歷過絕望以致生命感受不到 一線光 或因家庭關係的衝突與僵化周而復 始而到了幾乎要放棄的光景 在那黑暗的日 子中 你是否認為這是命中注定 不能改變 到此為止呢 在我的生命和家庭中也曾經歷過天災 人禍 傷痛無望的時刻 在護家 我們見過許 多這樣絕望的家庭景况 有被拋棄的 有被無 端造謠指責和家暴的 有因各樣原因彼此傷 害折磨的 然而 我們也看見一個個家庭 從家破人亡 身心傷痛的光景中走出一片燦 爛的天空 從那不可能中找回了真愛和溫 馨 是怎樣的奥秘可使水變酒 是甚麼鑰 匙 可以打開絕望的心房 周紅主任 在護家 當我們陪伴傷痛心靈時 我們與當事 者一起定睛在盼望和天父的愛上 才能獲得 前行的力量 這把盼望的鑰匙是我們走出困 境的關鍵之一 是我們不放棄的動力 前些日子 一位屢次經歷人生痛苦的朋 友,由於年齡漸長 覺得沒有盼望 得過且過, 卻為了應付法律的要求 不得巳來接受護家 的服務 護家同工看到這樣無奈的當事人 心 情也為之下沉 不知如何陪伴和應對 但當 我們緊緊抓住盼望這把鑰匙 不放棄地陪伴 他 持續為他禱告 用天父的愛 帶著盼望的 眼光來看待他 我們開始有了信心! 經過八 個月的時間 我們親眼看到曾經滿不在乎的 當事人 今天變成討人歡喜的長輩 甚至聽到 他的歌聲,他的家人也得到安慰 朋友 你相信盼望是牽動我們前行的動 這把鑰匙是 盼望 是永不放棄的心 力嗎 不要放棄 讓我們一同努力 彼此鼓 志 記得在人生最低谷時 當我的心仍堅定 勵吧 護家的信念是: 只要我們不放棄 我 相信未來是有盼望的 我的眼目只看引導我 們的人生和家庭一定充滿希望 盼望 能堅 的慈愛天父 我才可以一天天地前行 同樣 固家庭 也能將愛和信心牽回我們的家 Hope Keeps Families Moving Have you ever experienced despair and felt that there was no hope in life? Did you almost want to give up on family relationships due to continuous fighting and conflict? In those down times, did you think that the situation was never possible to change---doomed forever and no hope? I have experienced painful and hopeless moments in my own life. In HFRC, out of the many desperate cases we handle, the good news is that we witness blessed families emerged from physical and mental painful conditions to start new, meaningful life! What key is so magical that can unlock the door of despair? This key is Hope meaning never give up! Even in those darkest days of my life, my heart still firmly believed in hope and I was focus on grace in my life; so I could keep moving on day by day. As we accompany HFRC clients going through grief, we hold on to the key of hope. Clients gradually feel our love and recover from their misery! Ann Zhou An old man, who went through tough times in life feeling hopeless and purposeless, came to HFRC for services because he must fulfill some legal requirement. In the beginning of the counseling sessions, our co-workers tried to accompany him but did not know how to deal with his depressed mindset. However, in the following sessions, seizing the key of hope, we responded to him with love. Our faith eventually strengthened our ability to accompany him! After eight months, he was transformed----once so stubborn, now so delightful, even in the mood of singing and smiling! His family felt relieved with his change! Friends, do you believe that hope can keep us moving? Let us encourage each other! In HFRC, we believe that as long as we do not give up, our lives will be filled with hope which will permeate to our families. Hope not only anchors our home, but also guides us and our families heading to love and light! 角聲護家中心 39155 Liberty St., D450, Fremont, CA 94538 Tel:(510) 790-3366 Email: hfrc@heraldinternational.org Web: http://family.cchc.org

第2頁 音樂也是良藥 護家中心 王美燕 去年,在護家的異象 分享茶會中,黄珊珊醫生以甜 美的歌聲,唱出多首自創詞曲 的歌 由於每首歌都旋律優美動聽 歌詞真切感人,在場的來賓紛紛陶醉在 這一段音樂見証中,覺得意猶未盡 2015 年 5 月 9 日,護家的異象分享茶會 將非常榮幸地再次邀請到珊珊醫生帶給我們充滿 盼望 的歌曲 各位朋友 千萬不要錯過這個難得的機會 特别能牽動聽眾的情懷 2014,珊珊醫 生在護家的異象分享會唱了一系列與 寬恕 相關的經典創作,台下反應熱 烈 周紅主任深深感受到珊珊醫生對世 人關愛的熱忱,是神奇妙的恩賜,感動 這位內科醫生以業餘的精力透過音樂 來造福人群 周紅主任和珊珊醫生的結緣起於 2011 年,兩人交談後,立即覺得 播 種音樂 的創辦精神和護家的宗旨不謀而合;護家的各項輔導服務及珊珊醫 生的歌曲,都是幫助在苦難中的人看到盼望,能獲喜樂的人生和堅固的家 庭,不但自已成長而且成為他人的祝福 護家第一次與珊珊醫生合作是在 2012 的角聲關懷機構異象分享會中 她是一位非專業歌手 唱出的歌曲卻 筆者對珊珊醫生仰慕巳久,最近 特別訪問忙裡偷閒的她 從她平易近人 的交談中,得知原生家庭對她的影響極 深 原來她的音樂才華來自父母的薰陶 和培育,從小不但喜歡唱歌,還自學作 歌,高中時參加民歌比賽,曾得金韻獎 從台灣來美進了醫學院,因為爸爸和家 族長輩多是醫師,所以當醫生是順理成 章的專業目標 她經營的診所業務蒸蒸 日上,病人對她非常信任和尊敬 然而, 看到很多病人殘疾的生命有時不是醫 生能施藥醫治的,她領悟到醫生的力量 其實很有限,充其量治好病人表面的病 症,但根深的傷痛往往是由內心的愁煩 執著所致 有鑑於此,2010 年,珊珊醫生 創辦了 播種音樂 事工,目的是以輕鬆 的旋律唱出感人的歌詞,用流行歌曲的 風格令大眾接受福音音樂 她巳發行了 七張專輯,歌曲的特色是以說故事的手 法唱出不同族群的需要,透過歌詞,勉 勵正在困擾中的病患及心靈迷失 感情 受傷的人 珊珊醫生實現了她仁愛醫者 的理念 從身 心 靈全面地去照顧病 人 她也很認同護家中心以聆聽和同理 心服事社區的理念,意會到神賜於她的 音樂天份和神對護家的呼召,均是致力 保護 醫治 重建家庭的合一 珊珊醫 生和護家團隊將藉著今年五月九日的 異象分享會,共同表達神對社區家庭愛 的心意 本人特別喜愛 播種音樂 的一 首歌 樹與花,歌詞的最後一句正是珊 珊醫生做音樂的動力: 你是靈感,我是 作家,譜成愛你的樂章

第3頁 HFRC Elisa Wong Music Is Medicine Too Last year, in HFRC s Vision Share event, Dr. Shawn Hamilton performed many beautiful songs written by her. Our guests were touched by the songs lyrics and melodies. This year, on May 9, 2015, Dr. Shawn will again be coming to share a series of songs related to HFRC s theme, "Hope." Dear friends, do not miss this great opportunity! HFRC director, Ann Zhou was introduced to Dr. Shawn in 2011. They immediately felt the connection since the purpose of "Sowing in Seeds Music" founded by Dr. Shawn and HFRC s principles are basically the same---help people see hope in misery; recover to enjoy own life and build strong family; become a blessing to others. Their first collaboration in 2012 Heralds Vision Share was a success. In 2014 HFRC Vision Share, Dr. Shawn sang inspiring songs related to "Forgiveness. Director Zhou deeply felt that Dr. Shawn s musical talent is a wonderful gift from God, and also impressed by her devotion besides being a full-time physician. I had a chance to interview Dr. Shawn who is such an easy-going and passionate person. Her musical development was nurtured by her parents. Even at a young age, she not only liked to sing, also self-learned to write songs. In high school, she participated in a folk song competition and won the Golden Rhythm award. Studying to be a doctor was a logical path since her father and many relatives are physicians. Although she now runs a successful clinic and her patients trust and respect her, she is sad that sometimes doctors cannot heal the hidden illness. She realizes that a doctor's power is limited because she can use medicine to cure the body but not the inner hurt. For this reason, in 2010, Dr. Shawn founded the "Sowing in Seeds Music" ministry. Its concept is to create songs of cheerful melody and meaningful lyrics with pop style so that the gospel music is easily accepted. She released seven albums already. Each CD was designed to serve a specific group such as the severely sick, lost soul, and heart-broken. Today s Dr. Shawn is truly practicing medicine in all aspects----healing the body, mind, and spirit. She concurs with HFRC s principle which is to serve people in crisis in community with empathy and love. Musical talent from Dr. Shawn and calling for HFRC are dedication to protect and rebuild family unity. Dr. Shawn s and HFRC Team will express love to community through HFRC s Vision Share event. I particularly like the ending verse of a song "Trees and Flowers ; it reflects Dr. Shawn s spirit in making music: "You are the inspiration, I am a writer, Together we compose love.

第4頁 反思 2015 年的一月 今天是 2015 年一月最後的一 護家中心 - 楊蕙 雜忙碌的環境中 聆聽祂那細小輕柔的聲音,需要專心 天 今年的十二分之一就這樣匆匆的 我仍然有許多軟弱 如驕傲 批評 論斷等 唯有神能 過去 明確地說,2015 年一月巳成歷 夠改變我 當我謙卑願意讓神掌管我的任何光景 自然學到凡 史 在這新年的一月份中 我學到了 事都有感恩的心 带着盼望懂得珍惜生活的大小事----如我還 什麼 時間是寶貴的,我可曾認真地 能看 聽 走 吃東西 呼吸 聞到花香 有時我在附近河邊 活得有意義 假如這是我在世上的最後一天 我在一月二十日夜晚到達台北 過去的十天 爲了體檢我 進出醫院數次 在醫院裡看到許多病人,有的坐輪椅,有的剛從 手術室被推出來 我去探望一位幾個月前中風的長輩,目前住 在需要別人照顧的療養院,她已無法自理了 幾天前 又得知一 位三十一歲 受過高等教育的白領階級男士 不抽菸 不喝酒 定時運動 卻患了末期的皮膚癌 這些事 再次提醒我 時間和生命的寶貴 我迫切地希望 和你分享我此刻的體會:讓我們彼此相愛 特別是去愛那些曾 傷害過我們的人 那確實是非常難做到的 我曾經試圖努力去 做 卻不很成功,因單靠著我的意志幾乎是不可能 但當我信靠 耶穌基督,承認自己的過錯;並願意被祂改變時,我才慢慢能夠 去愛 我還學會了其他幾件事 不再求神去改變別人 而是請 求神先改變我 使我更像祂 我們的神是全能的 慈愛的;祂保 護我們 當我們按祂的旨意去求時 祂就幫助我們 在今日嘈 散步 嗅到大自然中花和樹散發出的香氣 就感謝全能者的創 造 和多年前種樹的人 永遠有盼望 祝您有個美好的 2015 年 盡情享受我們現在所擁有的一 切 祝福您和您的家人有個喜氣洋洋的 羊年 2015 January's Reflection HFRC - Lilly Today is the last day of January of 2015. One-twelve of this year is gone by quickly. To be exact, January 2015 is history! What have I learned in January of 2015? Time is precious. Have I lived fully as if this was my last day on earth? I arrived in Taipei the night of January 20th. In past ten days, I was in and out of hospitals many times for routine physical checkup. While inside the hospital, I saw many sick patients. Some were in wheel chairs; some were just rolled out from surgery room. I also visited one of my elderly relative who had a stroke a few months ago, currently residing in a fairly good assisted living nursing home. She was unable to take care of herself any longer. Just a few days ago, I learned that a highly educated, successful, young professional man who is only 31 year old was diagnosed of a serious skin cancer. All these events remind me again that time and life is precious. Have I lived meaningfully as if this was my last day on earth? I would like to share with you my thoughts: Let us love one another, even those who we think they have wronged us. I know it is very difficult easier said than done. I have tried hard on doing it, but it is almost impossible to do it by our own will. Only after I continue to learn how to trust and to hope, I am gradually able to admit my wrong doing and submit myself to be changed. I learned a few other things: Stop expecting others to change. Instead, first change myself. Listen attentively to wisdom which sometimes could be very soft and gentle hidden in our busy and noisy surroundings. I still have many weaknesses (i.e. prideful, critical, judgmental) that can only be transformed by God, if I am humble and willing to follow Him. Give thanks on everything, regardless of any circumstances. Appreciate the smallest things such as: I can still see, listen, walk, swallow food, breathe, and smell flowers. Sometimes I walk along a river where trees permeate natural fragrances. It inspires me to give thanks to the Almighty Creator and those who planted the trees years ago. Have a great year of 2015! Live to your fullest with what you have now. Blessings to you and your family for upcoming Chinese New Year of Goat!

第5頁 免費教養兒女講座 Free Parenting classes 黄偉康博士將會在 Fremont 圖書館舉行兩次免費教養兒女講座,敬請各位家長踴躍出席 以下是黄博士提供的講題 簡介 Dr. Melvin Wong will be giving two free Parenting classes in Fremont Library. Please come join other parents to learn the practical techniques. Brief summaries of the topics provided by Dr. Wong below. 4/11/15 講題 - 實用家教 提防孩子有成癮惡習 6/6/15 Topic - Seven Pillars of Strong Families 身為父母,在科技發達的環境中養育青少年,最新的挑戰是 Research has shown over the past many decades that for children to grow up healthy; the strongest emotional ingredient is the support and security they experience growing up in a healthy family. The reality is that it is very hard to have a healthy family because many marriages end up in divorce or separation. What makes children survive these challenging environments and still be successful in life? Parents want to make every effort to help their children succeed in school so they can be independent and have a good life later; but do you know what are the root causes for family health so your next generation will be able to achieve a level of psychological health that will also benefit their future families? There are seven keys to maintain a healthy family and they do not cost you any money. They come from a set of personal discipline and psychological mindset that each parent can achieve if they want to put it in the works. Let s find out what these seven keys are! 預早提防孩子有網絡成癮的傾向 如何使孩子不會依賴科技 染上不良嗜好 以至荒廢學業 是否留意到孩子有毒癮 大 麻 酒精 煙草 色情 動畫 視頻和社交媒體的成癮 你可知道,這些成癮的心理 情緒因素基本上是一樣的嗎 聰明的父母越多了解成癮的原因 越能幫助及引導孩子理智 地渡過充滿誘惑的青少年成長期;讓孩子利用科技發揮他們 學術上最大的潛力 6/6/15 講題 - 家庭健康的七大秘訣 在過去幾十年來的研究顯示 孩子健康成長的關鍵主要是在 一個健康家庭經歷到支持和保護中感受到強烈的親情 現實 情況是,健康的家庭已經逐漸少了 因為很多婚姻以離婚或 分居告終 孩子怎樣在這些不完整的家庭中成長仍有成功的 人生? 父母費盡心思幫助孩子在學業上取得成功 以為他們獨立 後,期待將來享有美好的生活;但是,你可知道怎樣去營造一 個健康家庭,讓你的下一代先獲得心理健康,繼而將健康思 想傳給再下一代的家庭 此講座將提供七個不用花錢的秘訣 能維護一個健康的家庭 - 家長若願意應用一套個人紀律和心理學心態的技巧 必能 立竿見影 讓我們一起來學習這七個秘訣 4/11/15 Topic Effective Parenting: Addiction Prevention The parenting challenge in this technology rich environment for our teens and pre-teens is in the prevention of online addiction. How can we prevent children from forming an unhealthy technology dependence that reduces the academic potential of your children? What about the addiction to drugs (marijuana) and alcohol, tobacco, pornography, anime, videos and social media? Did you know that the psychological-emotional components of these addictions are basically the same? Smart parents will want to learn the root causes of these addictions so they can help guide and navigate your children to success through these stormy adolescent development years; so your children can leverage the advantage of technology to maximize their academic abilities.

第6頁 父親的心 護家中心 - 喜樂 在一個美好的早晨,我和妹妹剛跑完五 千公尺的馬拉松 約好爸媽在終點線見面 然 後我們一起去吃早餐 這種情景已經不常見 很久 因為十年前我結婚 小妹也在三年前出嫁了 今天丈夫 在家看顧小孩 只有我們娘家四口子 隨便走進了一家美國早 餐店, 馬上點了煎蛋 烤麵包和煎餅填飽肚子 想不到爸爸一 邊吃著卻觸景傷情起來 做了令我們頗感意外及難忘的一件 事... 當時,我們默默地各顧各地吃 但我看出爸爸有點心事 他的臉上帶著關心的表情 他的姿勢有點緊張 他放下叉子 開始說話 話語中有時因為回憶而暫停且夾雜著深呼吸的聲 音 他講述了有關他的往事 其中有些我已聽過 話題一轉卻 令我震驚---他說他為擁有這個家 我 妹妹和媽媽 及這些年 我們對他的支持而感恩 然後 最意想不到的是: 他兩眼濕潤 用顫抖的聲音 向我們道歉; 希望我們能原諒他以前常常無法 克制的暴躁脾氣 這是多年來我一直希望從他口裡聽到的 我被他的認錯嚇呆了 立時停止吃東西,被卡在喉嚨裡的 食物阻礙發聲 然而,我沉醉在他真誠的話語中 覺得那味道比 我煎餅上的糖漿更甜 這時刻是我們家庭史上最美的詩篇! 可是這美麗畫面是 苦樂參半的 苦澀的是勾起了傷感的回憶; 驚喜的是因為我看 到爸爸成長了 似鐵樹開花 深深體會到人生有盼望 只要我 們願意改變 我知道承認自己的錯誤是很不容易的 更不用說對自己 的兒女道歉 不過 我也知道一個人個性的塑造是需要經過長 久時間的累積 可能是幾年 甚至幾十年 有時 在自己的磨 練過程中 我們傷害了其他人; 但因此 我們卻更有動機學習 去愛被傷害者 人生旅程中因曾傷害人反而領悟出施愛的邏輯 真是不可思議 過程中的經驗雖不愉快 但是絕對必要的 我要感恩,為了我家四人能共同走過這些年的風風雨雨 也為了我爸送給我們温柔謙卑的心 最重要的是我們之間的 相愛 因為 愛能遮掩許多的罪 彼得前書 4 8 A Father s Heart HFRC - Joy It was the perfect setting actually. We had just run a 5k, met our parents at the finish line and set out to have breakfast, just the four of us. Such an occasion had not happened since before my sister and I both got married, which was a decade ago. Without the distractions of husbands or grandchildren, we sat down for a good old American meal (ie. eggs, toast and pancakes) and unbeknownst to us at the time, a history lesson of a Chinese family. As we ate in silence for a while, I could tell my dad had something on his mind. His face was thoughtful, his posture a bit tense. He set down his fork and began speaking, his sentences mixed with reflective pauses and deep breaths. He relayed information about his past, some of which I already knew and some of which shocked me. He spoke of his gratitude at having our family and my mom as his support all these years. Then he did the most unexpected thing, perhaps the thing I had been hoping to hear from him all these years. He apologized. With moist eyes and a faltering voice, he apologized for allowing his temper to overtake him in the past. I was stunned by his admissions. I had stopped eating at that point because it was becoming hard to swallow past the lump in my throat. I could only indulge in the genuineness of his words then, which tasted sweeter than the syrup on my pancakes. This was an epic moment in our family s history. Even still, it was a bittersweet one. Bitter, because of the memories that were dredged up; sweet, because I was able to see how much my father has grown. I deeply realized that life has hope as long as we are willing to change. I know for myself that it is not easy to acknowledge my mistakes, let alone apologize for them. However, I also know that character is built over time, usually over the long stretch of days, years and decades. Sometimes through our own refining, though others got wounded in the process. But for the wounded, we are given the opportunity to practice love. It s a strange cycle of life, not a pleasant one to experience, but definitely a necessary one. I am thankful for how far my family has come and for my father s heart, but most of all for love which covers over a multitude of sins. 小常識 憤怒情緒管理六步驟 了解自己正經歷的情緒 勇敢接受和誠實面對正經歷的情緒 內裡的平靜安穩並找出誘因(內外 糾正觀念 決定行動方案(溝通 幽默清楚的表達感覺(溝通 找專業人士協談 護家中心 如您想進一步了解如何管理憤怒的情緒 請和護家中心聯絡 (510) 790-3366

第 7 頁 孩子, 我聽見了 青少年篇 Mom and Dad, Please Listen to Me! 蔣吳蘊蘭 Winnis Chiang 老爸老媽, 我是典型的 色厲內荏 之徒, 別看我一副酷到不行的模樣, 其實我最在意的, 還是你們! 當青春期兒女碰上更年期父母, 我確實有許多要學的, 但你們又何嘗不是呢? 第一, 請記得, 我的 反叛期 其實是我的 自我定位期 我在學習表達我的感受和想法, 而不是在唱反調 別忘了, 再過幾年我就要獨立生活 面對世界了 第二, 請對我有耐心, 用恩慈來鼓勵和管教我 我不要你整天陪著我, 但還是期盼你能用更多時間來了解我 第三, 信任我 那是愛的主要能量 我需要你的憐憫 接納 尊重和同理心 你一步步地放心和放手, 對我十分重要 第四, 請別對我生氣太久, 也不要過份限制我的自由 你有你的工作 娛樂 朋友, 而你是我唯一的爸爸 ( 媽媽 ) 第五, 請你常對我說話 ( 但不是說教 ), 並且傾聽, 縱使有時我不懂你而你也不懂我, 但我會感覺到你還是願意花時間陪伴我 了解我 接納我 坦誠開解我的疑惑, 花時間談敏感的話題 第六, 你如何對待我 為我禱告, 我將永記在心 第七, 你若想開口罵我, 甚至動手打我時, 請記得, 我已有足夠的能力報復, 只是看我選擇怎麼做 第八, 當你想責罵我不聽話 不合作 固執或懶惰時, 請你想想, 是否有什麼事正困擾著我 或許來自同儕的壓力 或許我缺乏肯定 接納 鼓勵和關愛, 或者為了功課及課外活動我已經很久沒有休閒, 或者我的心已在成長的折騰及懼怕中變得僵硬 當然, 有時只是我不懂得表達或荷爾蒙作崇! 第九, 在我犯錯時請好好了解我 接納我 支持我, 不要嫌棄我, 因為你也曾失敗過 請不要否認你自己的過錯 你言行合一 勇於改變, 就是我最好的榜樣 第十, 當我要捱過 小孩變大人 最辛苦的歷程 面對人生中最難承受的挫折時, 只要有你的愛和我在一起, 所有 青春期風暴 中的掙扎都會變得容易面對 請永遠不要忘記, 我愛你, 而你也曾許諾, 一輩子愛我 ( 本文原載於 2010 年 4 月 真愛家庭雜誌, 蒙允轉載 ) Hey Mom and Dad, I hate to admit, but you may call me a person with a fierce demeanor but faint of heart. Sure, I d like to be cool, but I do care about you! As a teenager whose parents are going through midlife crisis, I have a lot to learn, but so do you! 1. Please remember this period of my rebellion is my time of searching for identity. I am learning to express my feelings and thoughts, not trying to sing a different tune. Don t forget that I have to live independently and face the world by myself in a few years. 2. Whether you intend to encourage or discipline me, please be patient and treat me with kindness. I don t need you to stay with me all the time, but I still hope that you would spend more time to understand me. 3. Trust me! By doing so, you empower me with love because I need your compassion, acceptance, respect and empathy. I need to know that as I grow, you are more at ease with me and are willing to let go. 4. Please don t be angry with me for too long and don t limit my freedom too much. You have your jobs, your hobbies, and your friends, but you are the only dad (or mom) I have. 5. Please talk with me without lecturing me, and listen to me with full attention. Even when we don t understand each other, I will still feel your willingness to spend time to understand me, accept me, honestly address my doubts, and talk about sensitive subjects with me. 6. I will forever remember how you treat me and pray for me. 7. Before you curse or even hit me, please remember that I have enough strength to revenge even though I may choose not to. 8. Before you scold me and call me disobedient, uncooperative, stubborn, or lazy, please try to figure out whether something else is bothering me. I could be all stressed out due to peer pressure! May be I am not receiving the affirmation, acceptance, encouragement and care I need. I could be too tired, haven t taken any break for quite some time due to homework and extra curriculum activities. My heart could have grown stiff because of growing pains and fears. Of course, sometimes I don t know how to express myself or am affected by hormonal change. 9. Instead of rejecting me when I make mistakes, please understand, accept, and support me. Haven t you experienced failures too? Please don t deny your mistakes and failures. Your integrity and courage to change are my best examples. 10. As I am struggling through this difficult process of becoming an adult, I have to face setbacks and defeats. Your love for me will make it easier for me to face these teenage storms. Don t ever forget that I love you, and that you have promised to love me all your life. (This article was originally published in April 2010 issue of Family Keepers magazine on the subject from a teenager s perspective. ) 蔣吳蘊蘭師母持有加州婚姻家庭治療師執照, 是 ParentingABC.com 創辦人 Winnis Chiang, M.A.; MFT and Founder of ParentingABC.com, specializes in helping Mandarin- and Cantonese-speaking high-tech Christian parents to get along with, enjoy, influence and equip their American-born Chinese children.

角聲護家中心 Herald Family Rebuilding Center 走出憂傷低谷, 進入豐富多彩的人生! 39155 Liberty Street, D450 Fremont, CA 94538 Tel: (510) 790-3366 Fax: (510) 952-3999 Email: hfrc@heraldinternational.org Website: http://family.cchc.org Non-Profit Org. U.S. Postage Paid Fremont, CA Permit No. 53